I am sad today. Our good friends’ son passed away suddenly last night. Furthermore, S. was married and his wife lost her father to cancer recently. I’m questioning God at the moment. Where are You in all of this? No parent should ever outlive their child.
Stop All The Clocks
To narcissists, the world is their audience, and everyone they meet—and everything that happens—is centered on them.http://www.wabccoaches.com/blog/tag/personality-disorders/
Yesterday I met a narcissist. Generally when one meets another for the first time, you express interest in each other, and make an effort to get to know them. Topics are confined to areas of general interest and revolve around such things as hobbies and interests, the weather, holiday plans, work, current events, and the like. There’s a give and take to the conversation.
As well, most people hold back from revealing too much personal information until there is an established relationship. Not so with this person. In the space of two hours, I heard all about her. And I do mean all–her suicide attempt, her surgeries, her boyfriend problems, her work issues, her two bankruptcies, her landlords, her this, her that. No matter the topic, this woman found a way to manipulate the conversation back to make it about her. For example: “I want to work in travel” my other walking companion said to me. Before the words of my reply had made their way from my mouth to her ears, Miss Narcissist stated “I used to work in a travel agency” and once again all the focus was on her.
Not only that, but she had all the answers. Despite her financial problems, considering declaring bankruptcy yet again –apparently that’s the new way to deal with being over extended — and living alone in a rather large place, suggestions of getting a roommate to help defray expenses were dismissed because “she is growing” — whatever that means.
And this is not a young woman — this woman is a grandmother! Then again, age has nothing to do with maturity.
All of it gave me a headache, exhausted me, sent me into a flare, and made me want to run for the hills. There are too many other people such as her in my life — I don’t have the strength for one more.
Sometimes I think I’m the only non self-absorbed person left.
From http://openmedia.ca/
The [Canadian] government is trying to ram through an anti-Internet set of electronic surveillance laws that will invade your privacy and cost you money. The plan is to force every phone and Internet provider to surrender our personal information to “authorities” without a warrant.
This bizarre legislation will create Internet surveillance that is:
- Warrantless: A range of “authorities” will have the ability to invade the private lives of law-abiding Canadians and our families using wired Internet and mobile devices, without a warrant or any justification.
- Invasive and Dangerous: The laws leave our personal and financial information less secure and more susceptible to cybercrime.
- Costly: Internet services providers may be forced to install millions of dollars worth of spying technology and the cost will be passed down to YOU.
If enough of us speak out now the government will have no choice but to stop this mandatory online spying scheme. Sign the petition now, and forward it to everyone you know.
To sign the Petition, go to: http://stopspying.ca/
The latest PFAM prompt asks “what do you guard?”
I guard sleep. In fact, I think about sleep a lot. Sometimes there’s more thinking about sleep than the actual doing of it. I plan my evening activities around how much I can do and how much sleep I can get. One late night results in days of extra fatigue until I can play catch up.
And these days a “late night” means a 10:30 pm bedtime; hardly the “late nights” of my twenties where, on occasion, I’d party until dawn.
Because I am easily over-stimulated, I’ve been known to toss and turn until the wee hours after a gathering with friends, too much sugar, or a comedy show.
My caffeine intake has been restricted to mornings only. I miss it, especially when I haven’t slept well or long enough. But too much caffeine can set up a vicious cycle for me of poor sleep, more caffeine, poor sleep, you get the idea.
When Punkin [one of our cats] started her early morning hints for breakfast, I decided I’d need to go to bed early to compensate for her disrupting my sleep. Now, blessed (or cursed) with being an early riser, no matter what hour I’d retired the night before, I have been known to go over my evening schedule for the week and count the nights I can go to bed early.
Some days, it feels like my whole life revolves around sleep—getting it, finding it, keeping it. Too long tossing and turning and I’ll practice breathing techniques, take gravol, count backwards from 100, name flowers - all to find that sweet spot of sleep for “sleeplessness is a desert without vegetation or inhabitants.” (Jessamyn West)
Note: Originally Posted July 14, 2010. Revised slightly and updated for the Chronic Babe Blog Carnival of June, 2011 which asks about summer plans.
We returned from a three week RV vacation almost a week ago. I had more pain then usual when I am on holiday, but “pain doesn’t go on vacation”, it goes where I go and participates in what I do. Some observations that may help with pain on RV road trips I’ve found are:
Here’s a few pictures of our trip to the West Coast in 2010. (My web host limits me to 2 MB per picture and I lack the knowledge and energy to re-size the bigger ones.) Hope you enjoy these.
Lighthouse at Whidbey Island, Washington
Sunset at Cannon Beach, Oregon
4th of July Parade on Whidbey Island
A woman and her dog, Cannon Beach, Oregon
The summer of 2011 will see us again in our RV for about 3 weeks. I’ve recently been diagnosed with low Vitamin D levels so, at home and on the road, I plan to soak up the sun as much as possible.
This Willow Tree Figure is entitled "Together" & was given to us @ Christmas.
When Chronic Babe posted the latest blog carnival prompt, http://www.chronicbabe.com/articles/cat/16/ I gulped. Could I be THAT revealing On. The. Freaking. Internet. *deep breaths* Okay, here goes lol.
We’ve been married for almost 15 years. Intimacy has been a challenge for a lot of those years. It’s been tough not only because of chronic illness, but also because of emotional issues from my past. We have seen counselors throughout our marriage, not always with success, until we found our current one (a qualified sex therapist.) We have worked with him for several years to bring healing to my heart and to get all aspects of intimacy (emotional, spiritual, physical) back on side. Along our journey, we learned (amongst other things) what true intimacy is and isn’t. It has taken a lot of hard work — “blood, sweat and tears” — as they say, and while it’s not perfect yet, it’s way, way better than it was.
But I digress.
Sometimes, however, the pain is too great to push to the back of my mind to enjoy intimacy.
It’s then I remember that Chronic Pain is the Third Wheel in Our Relationship.
Nonetheless, I’m pretty good at ignoring my pain to do other activities. *So, I figured, I can’t let pain be the excuse to intimacy avoidance. After all, I said to myself, what’s more important—a clean house or a better relationship?
We set aside time for deep, emotional and spiritual sharing of where we are at, we pray for and with one another and, on the physical side, we give each other massages and other physical affection. Most times the physical portion of our intimacy “program” includes other pleasurable endeavors and that’s all I’ll say about that. We have learned we have to purpose this time together as all too often, life gets in the way.
To get pain levels down enough to be present in these moments and focus on it (rather than the pain), I pace ignore some of my other activities, and often take a bath beforehand with Epsom salts. Due to scar tissue, certain aspects of physical intimacy are painful. So, I am also working on breaking down scar tissue to reduce pain levels in that area.
Those clean toilets? They’ll just have to wait. I’m saving my spoons http://butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf for something better.
*Disclaimer: Please know that this is all about just what sometimes works for me.
Today is Fibromyalgia Awareness Day. I have struggled with it since 1996. It’s unpredictable.
Herewith, a pictorial guide to fibromyalgia. Some images are courtesy of http://fmcfsme.com/
Sleep and Rest Are Tough To Come By
It's thought that FM patients perceive/process pain differently in the brain
There’s an eighth type of FM pain– the Pain In the Ass pain!
I'd like to give FM the boot!
Medications Help Many Manage FM
I don't have the memory of an elephant.
I have rough days but I --like many FM patients-- try my best
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get my purple on – purple is the “color” for FM.
May is Melanoma Awareness Month. Here’s a powerful video prepared by the David Cornfield Melanoma Fund, a group founded in memory of a young accountant who lost his battle with the disease in 2005.
It’s recommended by dermatologists when checking your moles to use the ABCDE’s of melanomas:
A is for Asymmetrical.
B is for Borders (irregular or raised)
C is for Color (dark black or multiple colors within one mole.)
D is for Dimension (larger than the eraser end of a pencil.)
E is for Evolving (changing shape, size or color.)
The video is entitled “Dear 16 year old me.” When I was 16, I lived at a boarding school. A group of us would often walk down to a grassy area to tan. We’d use baby oil to tan darker. Denise got a sunburn so bad in her cleavage area it blistered. I wonder how her skin is now.
I got my birthday suit checked by a dermatologist a couple of years ago. I try to watch my moles. It’s probably a good thing that now I don’t like heat and wear sunscreen as much as possible. I prefer a healthy glow over my usual pasty white but since I’m showing more signs of sun damage, I’ve decided to tell myself:
White skin–it’s the new black, baby!
Ribbon for International No Diet Day
Try not to eat seems to be my mantra most days. I gaze at my voluptuous figure with self-hatred. I pay the price of eating little– in poor sleep, fibro-fog, increased pain and stiffness, and other reactions in my body. I inhale calories at the end of the day to make up for the ones I didn’t have in the morning. Hypoglycemia seems to be triggered because of poor eating habits due to “dieting.” Starvation is more like it.
I’m intelligent enough to recognize that diets don’t work, except for the multi-billion dollar dieting industry, or their spokespeople. I remember watching a W-5 episode on diet companies. The investigator interviewed an ex-employee (a weight loss counsellor) of a diet company who revealed the strategy “if they cry, they buy.” In other words, if these “counsellors” can get their client to cry about their existing weight, then they will buy into their expensive diet program.
Emotionally, however, is another story. I have tied how I look to how I feel about myself. Sometimes it helps to remind myself that I have two chronic medical conditions that cause bloating.
Today, May 6th,is International No Diet Day. It was started by a British woman, Mary Evans Young of Dietbreakers in 1992 in opposition to the societal obsession with thinness. http://www.nedic.ca/knowthefacts/preventionhealth.shtml#indd
Today I choose:
Tomorrow, I may educate myself on eating competence http://www.ellynsatter.com/resources/EatingCompetence.pdf as I have lost sight of how to eat in a manner where weight loss isn’t the goal.
Here are a group of bloggers and writers that have also written about International No Diet Day.
Diets can both promote negative body image, and negative body image can promote dieting.
Lynn Grefe, the president of the National Eating Disorders Association http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ says:
Every place we turn we’re being told that we’re not good enough, that we need to be slim.
…
I say we should be measuring the size of our heart, not the size of our hips. We come in different shapes and sizes.
Get rid of any diet books you have lying around. They make great kindling for your next camping trip.
Chances are you have taken a ride or two on the diet/overeat roller coaster. You wanted to be thin, skinny, lean etc. and went for some type of restrictive diet/cleanse/fast or what not. For many people (self included) the holidays always seemed to be a challenging time. I was either plotting what food I would stuff myself with or what I would avoid like bubonic plague. While it took me awhile to learn that diets don’t work, it was worth the journey because now I get ideas like “me movement”…
Some other good resources are available on this website as well.
INDD is more about not depriving yourself for a 24-hour period. It beckons you to make peace with your body and your relationship with food.
So, today I stop. I’ll quit obsessing about thin(ner). Just for 24 hours, I will try to love my body more.
*Submitted for the Chronic Babe Blog Carnival #28 which has the theme “awareness.” May is awareness month for many things. After I submitted I re-read the prompt; this may not strictly fall into the criteria outlined but hopefully will be included nonetheless.
/>
