
This Willow Tree Figure is entitled "Together" & was given to us @ Christmas.
When Chronic Babe posted the latest blog carnival prompt, http://www.chronicbabe.com/articles/cat/16/ I gulped. Could I be THAT revealing On. The. Freaking. Internet. *deep breaths* Okay, here goes lol.
We’ve been married for almost 15 years. Intimacy has been a challenge for a lot of those years. It’s been tough not only because of chronic illness, but also because of emotional issues from my past. We have seen counselors throughout our marriage, not always with success, until we found our current one (a qualified sex therapist.) We have worked with him for several years to bring healing to my heart and to get all aspects of intimacy (emotional, spiritual, physical) back on side. Along our journey, we learned (amongst other things) what true intimacy is and isn’t. It has taken a lot of hard work — “blood, sweat and tears” — as they say, and while it’s not perfect yet, it’s way, way better than it was.
But I digress.
Sometimes, however, the pain is too great to push to the back of my mind to enjoy intimacy.
It’s then I remember that Chronic Pain is the Third Wheel in Our Relationship.
Nonetheless, I’m pretty good at ignoring my pain to do other activities. *So, I figured, I can’t let pain be the excuse to intimacy avoidance. After all, I said to myself, what’s more important—a clean house or a better relationship?
We set aside time for deep, emotional and spiritual sharing of where we are at, we pray for and with one another and, on the physical side, we give each other massages and other physical affection. Most times the physical portion of our intimacy “program” includes other pleasurable endeavors and that’s all I’ll say about that. We have learned we have to purpose this time together as all too often, life gets in the way.
To get pain levels down enough to be present in these moments and focus on it (rather than the pain), I pace ignore some of my other activities, and often take a bath beforehand with Epsom salts. Due to scar tissue, certain aspects of physical intimacy are painful. So, I am also working on breaking down scar tissue to reduce pain levels in that area.
Those clean toilets? They’ll just have to wait. I’m saving my spoons http://butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf for something better.
*Disclaimer: Please know that this is all about just what sometimes works for me.