Making Noises

The second chronic babe blog carnival is posted on their website.     http://www.chronicbabe.com/articles/834

The topic for the next chronic babe blog carnival [Tuesday May 4th and the deadline for submissions is Sunday May 2]  is learning to live with pain.

The following is a spoken word/poem I wrote to express my feelings on the good and the bad of living in  this challenging situation.

 

 

Smiling Through The Rain

Learning to Live with Pain

Is a Drain

On the Brain

And the Wallet

 

Learning to Live with Pain

Can be pretty lame

I try to re-frame

But it’s not pretty.

 

Learning to live with Pain

Can make one insane

If you let it

[Stay off that train]

 

Learning to live with Pain

There’s something to gain

A new perspective on life

Lived in the slow lane

 

It’s okay in the main

To learn to live with pain

To smile through the rain

‘Cuz the pain waxes and wanes

 

I’ve participated in my second blog carnival.  The Chronic Babe  http://chronicbabeclub.ning.com blog carnival, hosted by www.fibrochondriac.com

http://www.fibrochondriac.com/2010/03/07/a-carnival-of-our-own/

[On the Chronic Babe forum, I'm known as KD since there are two or three other people that belong to the Chronic Babe forum with the same name as me.]

My submission is this entry:

http://www.bignoise-enterprises.com/blog/?p=553

Behind the lens

or holding a pen,

my pain disappears,

it seems to end.

 

The focus required

for both to take flight

robs my illness of power

it seems to take flight.

 

Such creative endeavors

I forget I’m not

the girl without illness

the girl who’s fraught.

 

A sick chick no more

as I walk through that door

‘cuz a creative i.d.

has a hold of me.

 

[written about a dying friendship]

© Kathy D.

December 4, 1992

What happened to us

I wonder every day

When my calls aren’t returned

And you drift further away?

I feel abandoned, ignored

“That’s not my job” you say

“I’ve got lots to do

And a baby on the way.”

So do I just sit back

And watch things disintegrate

Can I talk to you about it

Or is it much too late?

How do I reach out

To repair the damage done

Or do I just give up
(Is the song already sung?)

As time goes by

And the silence stretches on

I wonder will our friendship die

And our lives keep movin’ on.

We used to be so close

We shared and it was good

Or was our friendship built

On a foundation made of wood?

This is a last attempt to mend

The fences that are broke

I don’t want to beg

I’d rather we just spoke

I care about you Marilyn

I’d like our friendship back

Or is it far too gone

Off the beaten track?

I want to hear from you

I miss our camaraderie

But if that’s not to be

I wish you luck and love from me!

[a poem about loneliness and aloneness]

© Kathy D.

August, 1991

On the outside looking in

An observer…not a participant

No sense of belonging

Who is she?

Always scurrying around the edges

Of other people’s lives

She has no-one

To call her own.

It’s not enough

Being in the outer circle

She wants inside

Inside to the light, the warmth, the love

Out of the darkness, the cold, the loneliness

For a tree that has no roots

Will surely wither

Until it starts reaching out

With tentative shoots.

Its’ roots are its’ own

The ones it has made

By itself—for itself

Sometimes accepting light and water from others

Sometimes preferring the shade

(What does the light want

What does the water want

From it?)

The tree stands alone

Trying to nourish itself

Provide its’ own light and water

For it trusts no-one

But itself.

The tree is older now

It can nourish itself well.

But it stands alone.

Its’ branches reach out

Tentatively, hesitantly

Towards other trees

Towards light and water

Its’ frightened, lonely cry

Is finally answered.

The tree is relieved

It is cared for

It begins to thrive

Basking in the light and the warmth

She is the tree

She finds the inner circle

and steps inside.

The warmth is astonishing

the love immense

She is whole.

What do women want

Is oft the cry

Heard on men’s lips

As we are passing by.

But let’s turn the tables

And take a closer look

At men and their behaviors

(God I could write a book!)

The initial encounter

Is always so sweet

Good times and laughs

Occur when we meet

Numbers are exchanged

With promises to call

Hope is held out

Expectation takes a fall
We wait by the phone

(For a little while at least)

Listening for a ring

From the cold, silent beast

Confusion sets in

We had such fun

Doesn’t he want to continue

What previously had begun?

We wonder what’s the scoop

And why he didn’t call

We give up hoping

Disappointment hits us all.

So then we try again

With someone else we meet

Stories are exchanged

But again – defeat

Are men and women

Opposite, yet the same

I’m beginning to wonder

Playing this dating game

Women want companionship

Someone to have some fun

Men I think are “islands”–
Relying on number one.

Or is it that they’re afraid

And don’t know what they need

Men aren’t the only ones

Who hurt and cry and bleed.

So should one give up trying

To find a mate, a friend

It’s not a bad idea

Men only want themselves in the end.

I’ve taken myself off the market

The disappointment’s far too great

To make it worth my while

To attempt another date.

© Kathy D. (written summer of 1989 after a particularly painful  series of dates)

That clone song see–http://bignoises.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?action=edit&post=174 reminds me of the lyrics I wrote to the tune of Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” in January, 2008:

GRACE WHEREFORE ART THOU?
Sung to the tune of Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” (with apologies to Pink Floyd)

Grace has flown across the ocean,
Leaving just a memory
A snapshot in the memory album
“Pharisees” what else did you leave for me?
Yeah, you, what crap did leave behind for me?
All in all it was just a brick in the wall.
All in all it was all just bricks in the wall.

We don’t need no forced religion
We don’t need no thought control
No legalism from the pulpit
Preachers leave them sheep alone
Hey! Preachers! Leave them sheep alone!
All in all it’s just another brick in the wall.
All in all you’re just another brick in the wall.

Worship songs sung by pretending
Repetition, line by line
7 – 11 songs with no ending
Get the crowds whipped into frenzy
Maybe then we’ll feel restored
Yes maybe then we’ll feel restored

Is there tithing in the offering
10% or you’ll go to hell
An expensive building’s in our future
Guilt, guilt, guilt til it starts to smell
Give, give give your 10%
Give, give give your 10%

Is the pastor really suffering?
Is his cheque back “NSF”
Does the Beemer need restoring?
Or the mansion a face-lift?
Give, give, give your 10%
Give, give, give your 10%

Work your way up heaven’s ladder
No matter where your talents lie
All the while you’re getting sadder
Despair, despair is in your eyes.
Despair, despair is in your eyes.

Maybe if I just try harder
Confess my sins to keep me humble
Oops I slipped and took a tumble
Shame, shame is at my core
Shame, shame is at my core.

All in all its just more bricks in the wall.
All in all its just more bricks in the wall.

I need Jesus’ arms around me
And I need His love to calm me.
I have seen the writing on the wall.
We need Him more than anything at all.
Yes, we need Him more than anything at all.
All in all it was all just bricks in the wall.
All in all you were all just bricks in the wall.