Making Noises

NB:  This post was originally written on October 24, 2008 in response to a couple news items I had read and revised in August, 2010, for submission to the latest Chronic Babe Blog Carnival (#10) which asks the question:  “How do you Deal with the Medical Establishment.”  Well, sometimes, I rant:

Half of Doctors Routinely Prescribe Placebos:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/24/health/24placebo.html?_r=2&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

Dr. Ezekiel J. Emanuel, one of the study’s authors, said doctors should not prescribe antibiotics or sedatives as placebos, given those drugs’ risks. Use of less active placebos is understandable, he said, since risks are low.

“Everyone comes out happy: the doctor is happy, the patient is happy,” said Dr. Emanuel, chairman of the bioethics department at the health institutes. “But ethical challenges remain.”

Happy?  How would this make me happy?  Why would I be happy about being given a fake or off-label drug that may work. But these aren’t always  the “sugar pill” placebos which are harmless, these are actual prescription medications that could harm a patient.

While the sugar in the placebo pill might give one some sort of sugar high for a few minutes and generate some sort of pseudo-happy feelings,  I doubt this is what this doctor is referring to.  Methinks this doctor and others like him may be the only ones who are happy.   “Happy” that they have done “something” about the patient’s “problem.”  Perhaps happier still that they have gotten  the patient out of their office in record time.  Maybe this one will work, the patient mutters unhappily as they leave the doctor’s office, prescription clutched in their hand.

Fibromyalgia Patients “Difficult”

Dr. William Schreiber, an internist in Louisville, Ky., at first said in an interview that he did not believe the survey’s results, because, he said, few doctors he knows routinely prescribe placebos.

But when asked how he treated fibromyalgia or other conditions that many doctors suspect are largely psychosomatic, Dr. Schreiber changed his mind. “The problem is that most of those people are very difficult patients, and it’s a whole lot easier to give them something like a big dose of Aleve,” he said. “Is that a placebo treatment? Depending on how you define it, I guess it is.”

Okay wait a minute here.  I have fibromyalgia. I didn’t chose this illness, it chose me.  I’m sorry if it makes me a “difficult patient.” If doctors only want the “easy” patients then they should leave medicine.  Have doctors that have that attitude ever been sick?  Or were they just not in line the day that the empathy gene was being passed out?

The reality is some of the treatments work some of the time for some of the people.  Some of the treatments don’t work at all. Often, the treatments cause undesirable side effects.  For me, after I was first diagnosed in 1996,  it became easy for me to fall into chasing the next treatment, the newest medication, the latest supplement, diet, vitamin, herb, etc. touted as being the “fix” for fibromyalgia.  After thousands of dollars spent, and feeling not really that much better,  I’m trying to get off that merry-go-round.

Dr. Mark J. Pellegrino, an MD who has fibromyalgia himself, and who has treated over 20,000 patients at his clinic in Ohio, states in his book “Fibromyalgia – Up Close and Personal”

Understand there is no magical pill that will get rid of all fibromyalgia symptoms.

Gee, not even a placebo?

No wonder chronic pain patients frequently experience depression.  I’d like to see a time where people like Dr. Schreiber walk a day in our shoes.   Maybe then things will change, but the cynic in me whispers I doubt it.

What do women want

Is oft the cry

Heard on men’s lips

As we are passing by.

But let’s turn the tables

And take a closer look

At men and their behaviors

(God I could write a book!)

The initial encounter

Is always so sweet

Good times and laughs

Occur when we meet

Numbers are exchanged

With promises to call

Hope is held out

Expectation takes a fall
We wait by the phone

(For a little while at least)

Listening for a ring

From the cold, silent beast

Confusion sets in

We had such fun

Doesn’t he want to continue

What previously had begun?

We wonder what’s the scoop

And why he didn’t call

We give up hoping

Disappointment hits us all.

So then we try again

With someone else we meet

Stories are exchanged

But again – defeat

Are men and women

Opposite, yet the same

I’m beginning to wonder

Playing this dating game

Women want companionship

Someone to have some fun

Men I think are “islands”–
Relying on number one.

Or is it that they’re afraid

And don’t know what they need

Men aren’t the only ones

Who hurt and cry and bleed.

So should one give up trying

To find a mate, a friend

It’s not a bad idea

Men only want themselves in the end.

I’ve taken myself off the market

The disappointment’s far too great

To make it worth my while

To attempt another date.

© Kathy D. (written summer of 1989 after a particularly painful  series of dates)

A recent article in Avenue magazine titled “5 Reasons to Own a $10,000 Dog Crate” and its’ companion piece “5 Reasons to Own a $38,000 Playhouse” caught my eye.  While the article provided some interesting background about the local companies that built these items, it would seem to me that only a small percentage of Calgarians would be truly concerned about whether their dog crate matched their décor. Sure, it’s pretty cool to have a playhouse that resembles a castle.   Is it possible that taking a regular playhouse and turning it into a castle with a little imagination, ingenuity and effort and help from Dad and Mom would be cool, too? Being able to afford the indulgence of having these items custom made also strikes me as something only those living in certain postal codes could do.

These articles don’t sit well with me.  The reality of the economic uncertainty many Canadians are facing but also, and perhaps more importantly, the economic circumstances in which people in other countries live has prompted me to put this into perspective.  It might be easier to simply shrug the articles off as an example of “nothing succeeds like excess” and move on but I can’t.

Five Reasons Not to Own a $10,000 Dog Crate

1. Your dog doesn’t care and won’t notice if he is in a crate made of gold or a cardboard box.
2. $9,000 provides for transportation (driver, reliable vehicle and mechanic) and delivery for 18 months supply of medications to a rural hospital in the Congo through Mennonite Central Committee’s Congo:  Menno-Sante project (restoring Mennonite hospitals in the Congo) http://mcc.org/congo/mennosante/index.html
3. You will have $1,000 left over after “buying” transportation (see no. 2 above) to supply over 300 Calgary children with a snack of fresh fruit and vegetables through Community Kitchen’s Souper Stars program.  http://www.communitykitchenprogram.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=55&Itemid=61
4. With $10,000, you could (most likely) donate at least one of everything on the Calgary Humane Society’s “wish list” http://www.calgaryhumane.ca/
5. $9,500 will provide sanitation and water to 280 people in the Darfur region of Sudan. http://www.worldvision.ca

Five Reasons Not to Own a $38,000 Playhouse

1. Fresh water:  $15,000 provides resources to build an deep water well giving up to 11,000 liters of water a day.  http://www.worldvision.ca
2. $35,000 provides nutrition and health care for children in Lodwar, Kenya. http://www.worldvision.ca
3. $20,000 will pay for a library in the community of Chamazi, Tanzania, Africa and $4,500 will pay for a student to volunteer in Chamazi. http://www.acts.ca
4. The school project in Rwanda, Africa, needs $20,000 to complete.  A 5 room school is being built to provide vocational education for children in Vunga, Rwanda. http://www.acts.ca
5. With home build costs ranging from $600 US in developing countries to $60,000 in the US, donating this amount to Habitat for Humanity will contribute towards shelter (a basic human necessity) for perhaps thousands if used in a developing country.  [stats from www.habitat.org]

The satisfaction of helping others less fortunate:  PRICELESS!

PS – All this research has challenged me, tugged at my heart, and resulted in a “call to action” with plans to review our giving.  Currently, I’ll be giving of my time, energy and abilities towards a project involving presentations regarding the time my friend spent in Africa with Hands At Work http://handsatwork.org and ACTS for three months this winter.  The purpose of these presentations is for education, information, fundraising and outreach.

Inspired by Geez Magazine’s articles “30 Sermons You’ll Never Hear in Church”, I present to you “30 Sentences You’ll Never Hear in Church”: [with contributions by Randy Dueck and Cal H. Henze]

1. You are totally under grace.
2. Daily confession and keeping short accounts are not necessary to keep you in right relationship with Jesus Christ.
3. Alcoholism, and other addictions, are NOT as a result of sin in your life.
4. You are totally, completely, forgiven and a child of the King, perfectly and wonderfully made.
5. We don’t need your money.
6. If God leads you to volunteer with ___ ministry, great, but there’s no pressure here.
7. We accept you completely for who you are and won’t try and change you – that’s God’s job.
8. Your heart needs are the most important to us and we want to know what we can do to help you in your time of need.
9. There’s no judgment or criticism here.
10. If you are ever in a time of emotional, physical, or spiritual crisis, you can count on the friends you make here, and the people of this church, any time day or night.
11. We want to give our fatherless/motherless young children a mature believer to help them.
12. Demands for performance are never treatment for a broken heart.
13. There’s no dress code – or hair length – necessary to Worship the King.
14. Your abuse and pain are real.
15. We like drums.
16. Music is amoral.
17. It is finished – Christ’s death on the cross took your sin away – past, present and future, forever.
18. Everything is permissible but not everything is profitable.
19. Church membership is optional to serve.
20. Women in leadership are welcome.
21. God’s really quite mature — He doesn’t sulk like your housecat if you do something stupid. [with apologies to cat-lovers everywhere!]
22. God can’t even imagine being angry at you.
23. Our sermons aren’t a “guilt trip” to “control” our congregation – they are designed to provide spiritual nourishment in a non-judgmental, grace-filled way.
24. We won’t attempt to provoke an extreme emotional response in our worship service with repetitious, 7-11 songs [*7 songs, each sung 11 times].
25. We don’t put God in a box.
26. God hears all your prayers, not just those that follow some formulaic ritualistic religion-approved format.
27. Talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words.
28. When we say we’ll pray for you, we’ll really do it!
29. You’ll know we are Christians by our love.
30. We’re not here to moralize the world.

8.4 million dollars to do a online camping reservation website?  You have got to be kidding me.

http://calgary.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20090429/edm_camping_090429/20090429/?hub=CalgaryHome

Sheesh our company  could do it for….oh about 1/4 of that….say a mere 2 million….

Philip Slayton, author of “Lawyers Gone Bad:  Money, Sex and Madness in Canada’s Legal Profession” would have you believe so.  He explains therein how lawyers became greedy unprincipled defenders of the rich.  The Maclean’s interview of Mr. Slayton, created a storm of controversy:  http://www.macleans.ca/article.jsp?content=20070726_161005_9580

The Canadian Bar Association, among others, was not amused and demanded Macleans apologize for Mr. Slayton’s remarks.  Maclean’s response:  http://www.canadianjusticereviewboard.ca/article-Lawyers_are_rats.htm

As someone who was a legal assistant for 13 years, it’s hard for me to disagree with Mr. Slayton.  I assure you I saw it all.  And, if it wasn’t the lawyers or the other staff, it was the clients.  From the lawyers:

• Displays of obsessive-compulsiveness (requested to change the backer of a document because of a minor discrepancy, not visible to the naked eye.)
• Breaches of confidentiality (something I’d disclosed to my boss, in confidence,  he decided to share with a client without my knowledge or consent).
• Sexual harassment (“Nice kneecaps” the senior partner said as he gave them a bit of a rub as he walked by). I was seated at the time.
• Verbal abuse (“Well if you’d just rather go back to your desk and just pick your nose than help me, go right ahead” – said after I’d explained to this lawyer my busy workload that day.  Apparently I wasn’t busy enough.)
• Counsel for the other side purported to give me instructions on a file (Funny, I don’t recall them signing my paycheque).

I foolishly endured it all.

Then there were the clients – the inappropriate personal comments (“Are you gaining weight?”) and verbal abuse – generally consisting of yelling and screaming at me over the phone or in person, usually after they received their bill.

I cannot believe I lasted 13 years but after having to take two stress leaves, it was time to pack it in.

So what do you think – are lawyers “rats?”

Not Me Monday.

This is making the rounds of the blogosphere (see  http://lynetteesau.blogspot.com/ and http://www.mycharmingkids.net) so I thought I’d give it a go:

Confession is good for the soul, right?

It was so not me that stomped around yesterday morning before church in a huff about something so inconsequential that I can’t remember it now, 24 hours later.

It was not me that slammed the cupboard doors in anger during said huff.

It was definitely not me that teased my husband endlessly last week about his “cheating” on the in-class exercise assignment in the HTML course we are both taking.

It was certainly not me that said “honesty doesn’t pay” when he got full marks on the aforementioned assignment and I got half marks and DID NOT CHEAT.

It was most assuredly not me who ducked behind the kitchen wall in order to avoid being seen by the door-to-door salesman I had seen wandering the neighbourhood earlier.

It was totally, totally not me (I’m such a calm individual) who completely freaked out when our truck, which was parked on a hill, on a sheet of ice, started sliding backwards on said sheet of ice.  It was also not me who gingerly got out of the truck to find my husband to tell him we were sliding backwards.

It is definitely not me who is nervous about going for walks around the city due to the fact that the roads, and some sidewalks, have now become like skating rinks.

It’s not me who wanders what our property taxes go towards.

It’s really not me that is choked when I find out exactly what they do go for:

• raises for alderman in a tight economy,
• a multi-million dollar fitness facility for city workers apparently they can’t work out at the city-run facilties or other private gyms like the rest of the masses,
• paying millions of dollars to buy a run down hotel in a seedy part of downtown to turn it into a parking lot

It’s not me that gets mad at a city whose policies for snow removal include:

• Waiting for a Chinook
• Only major routes, bus routes and those roads that have 20,000 vehicles a day or more travelling on them
• Requiring its’ citizens to:

• Keep the walks in front of their homes clear of ice and snow.  Said walks having to be cleared within 24 hours after the snowfall ends.  And it’s truly not me who gets mad at the able-bodied homeowners who don’t shovel said walks all winter long.

• After a huge dump of snow, followed by a huge warm up resulting in melting and possible flooding, requesting of  its citizens to clear the storm drains of ice, snow and debris.

And finally, it’s definitely not me who doesn’t have a driver’s licence and I am certainly not scared about learning to drive.

There now I feel better, do you?

I get jealous sometimes; I admit it. I am envious over “perfect women.” You know the type – meticulous make up, carefully coiffed curls, and marvellously manicured nails.

These women always look like they have just stepped out of a freezer – carefully preserved – not a hair out of place – perfect robots stalking the supermarkets and haunting the night clubs (no doubt looking for their alter-ego, the Perfect Man.)

Speaking of supermarkets, have you ever seen Perfect Women eat? Sitting in those chic restaurants in their perfect clothes with their perfect men, pecking at the perfect food (usually something miniscule, indescribable, unprounceable and unappetizing). And of course, they never pick up the cheque.

Of course, the perfect woman has the Perfect Wardrobe and perfect clothes have to slide onto perfect bodies. Thus the Perfect Woman’s workout was born. You’ve seen them at the gym, in cute little workout wear, with make up and accessories to match, lifting the odd weight or two. But does a drop of sweat ever mar that perfect face?

Just once I’d like to see a Perfect Woman crack. I imagine it would be like glass shattering, shards of makeup and hairspray scattering across the floor.

The majority of us are what I could term “Perfect Woman Wanna-Bes.” Our make up is meticulous for about a minute, our hair is perfectly coiffed until we do something harmless like sneeze, and are clothes are built for comfort, not show. There’s always something slightly askew – maybe our favourite handbag doesn’t always match our most comfortable pair of shoes. We are courageous (or foolish) enough to leave the house without make-up (thereby guaranteeing that we’ll run into Perfect Men). We have runs in our pantyhose and chips in our polish. We tend to be more at home on the sports field than the symphony, our favourite restaurant is McDonald’s, we pick up the cheque on occasion and we sweat (and if you are of a certain age, boy do you sweat). In short, we are real!

We may not be appealing to “Perfect” men (after all, plastic mixes with plastic, not iron or steel), but before you decide to overdose on Valium (the Perfect Women’s drug of choice), take heart -there are Real Men out there who don’t care if our handbags and shoes don’t match and who do take the time to look beyond the surface to the soul and heart within. I should know; I married one.

And isn’t that more important than designer hairspray?

(This piece was originally written in the fall of 1991 when I was single; I have revised it slightly and updated it)

I swear, if I read one more Pollyanna type Christmas letter I’ll puke……….just got two letters today ………where apparently life is just like Magazine World….http://www.bignoise-enterprises.com/blog/?p=100..with nary a rude salesclerk, PMS-ing co-worker, abusive family member, broken fingernail or cross word. The first one, from an acquaintance of ours, went on and on about how kind everyone is at Christmastime.  Really?  Well gimme some of them good drugs honey – I wanna see that “kindness” too.     I was tempted to fire back an email saying “While I don’t share your Pollyanna view of things at Christmastime, have a good one” but decided not to dignify it with such a realistic  response.  Besides, why burst her possibly drug-induced bubble?

The second Christmas letter takes the prize for “Most Fake Christmas Letter Ever”.  A few salient excerpts for your reading entertainment:

“The Christmas season reaches new heights of excitement with a young Jeffrey* taking it all in like it was his first time….”
[Jeffrey is their 3 year old]

[on the death of a loved one]: “I will really miss her and couldn’t be more proud to tell others what she meant to me and the way that she lived her life for her savior Jesus.”

[on his wife, Corrie]: “Corrie continues to do the bookkeeping for…..Somehow she manages the home, the kids and her job on the side just like Proverbs 31.” [italics mine]

The day I become a Proverbs 31 woman well, just put it this way, talk about The Day The Earth Stood Still.

The writer of this dribble concludes by saying:

“God continues to be at work in our hearts and we praise him for the Christmas gift that changed our lives forever. Each year we understand more about this gift of Jesus and how God has provided hope and peace with him for everyone!”

[Trust me I am not making the stuff up]  And yes we’re believers too – believers in Jesus Christ and his sacrifice for our sins.  But let’s move on people.  Let’s move off His death and onto His life and the life He lives inside us.

Where is the gag-me-with-a-spoon emoticon when you need it.   Never mind that, where’s the reality?

By contrast, our Christmas letter “got real” and spoke of  how it was a year of major change, about my difficult decision to stop taking library tech., dh’s de facto job promotion [which means he gets all the work, but none of the glory or pay increase], the writing biz we’re trying to get off the ground, and our holidays.

I’m not saying we’re so much better.  I’m saying we’re trying to keep it real.  I’m saying I’m tired of people that can’t/won’t/don’t and would prefer to associate with people who let it all hang out, warts and all.  That’s where real relationship happens, not Magazine World.

*names have been changed to protect the guilty.

I’ve decided I want to live in Magazine World.

It’s a parallel universe where, apparently, everyone takes the whole summer off to vacation at the cottage, can afford expensive items for their homes – vacation or otherwise – such as a $200 IPOD Toilet Tissue holder, buy designer clothing, and host fabulous – and catered – parties.

But no time of year is more glorious and storybook-like in Magazine World than Christmas.  In Magazine World, everyone has a wonderful family and spends the month of December merrily going from fabulous party to fabulous party and has the halls decked to look like the cover of a magazine.  The only problems in Magazine World’s Christmas are how to manage your hangover and keep off those holiday pounds.

Reality Check

20% of North Americans do not take vacations or do not use all their vacation time.  In part because we (Canadian and Americans) receive the fewest paid vacation days per year in the world at approximately 10 days, respectively and also in part because of fears of job security.    By contrast, the Danes receive 31 vacation days per year. [Denmark is a very enlightened country!] [vacation statistics from www.vault.com]

Of the North Americans that do take their vacation days, some spend their vacation days in such restful pursuits as visiting family members or completing the ‘honey-do’ list.  Others spend the “vacation” “working from home” – and in this case, a change is not as good as a rest.

Oh and that cottage Magazine World talks about?  A mere 9% of Canadians own cottages according to one source.

While it’s a myth that suicide rates increase at Christmas (in fact, stastically suicide rates decrease in December), Christmas can be and is a very stressful time for a great deal of people.  Loneliness, depression, financial strain, family conflict and alcohol abuse can all intensify at Christmastime.

To make it through December relatively unscathed, the Centre for Suicide Prevention in Calgary, Alberta has these tips:

• Plan to take time to identify your feelings about Christmas.
• Be realistic; look at what you can afford to give (for tips, see: http://www.buynothingchristmas.org/alternatives/index.html
• Choose to celebrate with people who make you feel positive and hopeful (for many of us that would exclude rather than include, family members and in-laws).
• Let go of your expectations and make time for what is important to you.

I’d also add a suggestion to try and maintain your normal exercise routine as much as possible to reduce stress and stave off extra holiday pounds.

Or, you could move into Magazine World….