Making Noises

Coffee- You can sleep when you're dead

The Fat Nutritionist http://www.fatnutritionist.com/ is a blog I read.  Her tag line is “eating normally is the new black.”  I am so down with that.  Death to Diets I say!  Anyways, her post “Get Out of Jail Free Cards”  http://www.fatnutritionist.com/index.php/get-out-of-jail-free-cards/ talks about “largely irrelevant” food labelling.  It began with a treatise on coffee and “Canadian style wussy coffee”, that is coffee with cream and sugar. There was a brief introduction and contained a very funny line:

black coffee is an abomination unto the Lord and shall not defile this house

After I finished laughing, made an appropriate comment on her blog about how much we in this house agree with that statement, I started thinking.  What other food and/or beverage items are, to our household, “an abomination unto the Lord and shall not defile this house?” I came up with the following list. Note:  there’s a bit of a legend:

• items marked with a single * are those which only my husband thinks fall into this category;
• and since we’ve agreed that we only buy things that both of us eat, items marked with a double ** are ones I miss eating unless I’m out, or have batted my eyelashes at him enough (i.e. whined) to get his agreement for purchase.
• items marked with*** are those which I only think are an abomination.
• no *’s at all means we both agree that these items shall never, ever defile our house.

List of Foods – Not Exhaustive, although I’m a bit tired after typing now.

• Offal
• Head cheese
• Coffee whitener
• ***processed cheez in a jar — my husband says it “adds personality.”  I say it’s one step from being plastic.
• Anything with the word “bean” attached to it [i.e. green beans, lima beans, kidney beans, et al.], with the exception of “coffee bean”
• Brussel Sprouts
• Octopus
• Squid
• Pork Sausage (possible exception:  Mennonite Sausage.  Good Mennonite Sausage that is)
• *Chickpeas**
• *Sweet Potatoes**
• *Squash of any type**
• Fruitcake
• Christmas Pudding
• ***Raw tomatoes
• *Porridge — this one comes in–never get between me and my cooked oatmeal in the morning!
• *Cottage Cheese** (exception:  Lasagna)
• Caviar/Tapioca – eerily similar, visually, don’t you think?
• *Asparagus**
• Anything with the word “blood” in it i.e. blood pudding, blood sausage.