Making Noises

 

 

 

The Fat Nutritionist http://www.fatnutritionist.com/ is a blog I read.  Her tag line is “eating normally is the new black.”  I am so down with that.  Death to Diets I say!  Anyways, her post “Get Out of Jail Free Cards”  http://www.fatnutritionist.com/index.php/get-out-of-jail-free-cards/ talks about “largely irrelevant” food labelling.  It began with a treatise on coffee and “Canadian style wussy coffee”, that is coffee with cream and sugar. There was a brief introduction and contained a very funny line:

black coffee is an abomination unto the Lord and shall not defile this house

After I finished laughing, made an appropriate comment on her blog about how much we in this house agree with that statement, I started thinking.  What other food and/or beverage items are, to our household, “an abomination unto the Lord and shall not defile this house?” I came up with the following list. Note:  there’s a bit of a legend:

• items marked with a single * are those which only my husband thinks fall into this category;
• and since we’ve agreed that we only buy things that both of us eat, items marked with a double ** are ones I miss eating unless I’m out, or have batted my eyelashes at him enough (i.e. whined) to get his agreement for purchase.
• items marked with*** are those which I only think are an abomination.
• no *’s at all means we both agree that these items shall never, ever defile our house.

List of Foods – Not Exhaustive, although I’m a bit tired after typing now.

• Offal
• Head cheese
• Coffee whitener
• ***processed cheez in a jar — my husband says it “adds personality.”  I say it’s one step from being plastic.
• Anything with the word “bean” attached to it [i.e. green beans, lima beans, kidney beans, et al.], with the exception of “coffee bean”
• Brussel Sprouts
• Octopus
• Squid
• Pork Sausage (possible exception:  Mennonite Sausage.  Good Mennonite Sausage that is)
• *Chickpeas**
• *Sweet Potatoes**
• *Squash of any type**
• Fruitcake
• Christmas Pudding
• ***Raw tomatoes
• *Porridge — this one comes in–never get between me and my cooked oatmeal in the morning!
• *Cottage Cheese** (exception:  Lasagna)
• Caviar/Tapioca – eerily similar, visually, don’t you think?
• *Asparagus**
• Anything with the word “blood” in it i.e. blood pudding, blood sausage.

Select deals this week

Sobey’s:

Iceberg Lettuce, 2 / $1 – Celery, 2/ $1 – 1 L. Minute Maid or 5 Alive $1 ea. –  Assorted Deli Meats $1/100g – 2 lb. bag russet potatoes $2.00.

Walmart Supercentre (Airdrie or Okotoks)

Worth the drive for:

Seedless Oranges .77/lb – Oasis Juice 4 x 125 ml packs $1 – Baked Beans 398 ml. .77 – Broccoli heads $1 each – Package of fresh mushrooms $1 each – Lunch for under $5: Campbell’s Soups, 540 ml, 2 for $2, 12 oz. Fresh Express Garden Salad $1.47 each and a loaf of French bread for $.97.

Safeway:

Fresh Pineapple BOGO – Catelli Garden Select pasta sauce 2 for $5 – Sunlight Dish Liquid – 2 for $4 – Eating Right Frozen Chicken Tomato Lasagna 1.13 kg for $7.99 plus buy 2 and earn 20 Air Miles.

Co-op

Spartan Apples .88c/lb – Rutabagas .59/lb – Brunswick Seafood Snacks or Sardines 92 – 106 g size are .99 each.

Superstore:

Old Mill Bread (white or whole wheat)  4 / $5 – PC Cranberry Cocktail Juice 2/$5 – PC Blue Menu Non-Hydrogenated Margarine 1.81 kg $6 – Bok Choy .48/lb – Mini Seedless Watermelon $2.97 ea. – 4 count bag red peppers $2.48 each.

I get jealous sometimes; I admit it. I am envious over “perfect women.” You know the type – meticulous make up, carefully coiffed curls, and marvellously manicured nails.

These women always look like they have just stepped out of a freezer – carefully preserved – not a hair out of place – perfect robots stalking the supermarkets and haunting the night clubs (no doubt looking for their alter-ego, the Perfect Man.)

Speaking of supermarkets, have you ever seen Perfect Women eat? Sitting in those chic restaurants in their perfect clothes with their perfect men, pecking at the perfect food (usually something miniscule, indescribable, unprounceable and unappetizing). And of course, they never pick up the cheque.

Of course, the perfect woman has the Perfect Wardrobe and perfect clothes have to slide onto perfect bodies. Thus the Perfect Woman’s workout was born. You’ve seen them at the gym, in cute little workout wear, with make up and accessories to match, lifting the odd weight or two. But does a drop of sweat ever mar that perfect face?

Just once I’d like to see a Perfect Woman crack. I imagine it would be like glass shattering, shards of makeup and hairspray scattering across the floor.

The majority of us are what I could term “Perfect Woman Wanna-Bes.” Our make up is meticulous for about a minute, our hair is perfectly coiffed until we do something harmless like sneeze, and are clothes are built for comfort, not show. There’s always something slightly askew – maybe our favourite handbag doesn’t always match our most comfortable pair of shoes. We are courageous (or foolish) enough to leave the house without make-up (thereby guaranteeing that we’ll run into Perfect Men). We have runs in our pantyhose and chips in our polish. We tend to be more at home on the sports field than the symphony, our favourite restaurant is McDonald’s, we pick up the cheque on occasion and we sweat (and if you are of a certain age, boy do you sweat). In short, we are real!

We may not be appealing to “Perfect” men (after all, plastic mixes with plastic, not iron or steel), but before you decide to overdose on Valium (the Perfect Women’s drug of choice), take heart -there are Real Men out there who don’t care if our handbags and shoes don’t match and who do take the time to look beyond the surface to the soul and heart within. I should know; I married one.

And isn’t that more important than designer hairspray?

(This piece was originally written in the fall of 1991 when I was single; I have revised it slightly and updated it)

Avoiding colds and flu during the winter months can be a challenge. Some people opt out of the flu shot. I’ve decided to be one of them this year, after doing some research about ineffectiveness of flu vaccines, learning that my health region provides only three locations – in a city of 1,000,000 – to obtain the flu shot and that the flu vaccine this year is actually comprised of last year’s virus strains.

Perhaps I’m taking a bit of a chance but it’s one I’m willing to risk – my work is mostly done from home and therefore I’m not out in public that much.

Wash, wash, wash

Still, there’s things I’m planning on doing other things to protect myself and/or boost my immunity. My hand-washing, which I’m already fairly rigorous with, will be taken up a notch. Hand-washing after using the washroom and, in a public washroom, using the paper hand towels to shut off the faucets and open the door with to avoid re-contamination. Hand washing is also recommended after touching ATM’s, stair and escalator railings, grocery carts, etc. Hand washing immediately upon re-entering my home.

Sanitize

And if I am not in a position to hand-wash, I’ll use one of those hand sanitizer solutions, no matter how drying these solutions are on my hands.

Immunity boosting foods

From Impact magazine, the top 10 foods for flu season:

1. Garlic – add to pasta sauces, pizzas, soups, stews, etc.
2. Citrus – put a lemon slice in your water; squirt lemon juice into your water bottle.
3. Probiotics – such as yogurt with live bacterial culture.
4. Fish – for those Omega fatty acids and zinc.
5. Orange Vegetables – for beta carotene (natural Vitamin A).
6. Mushrooms.
7. Tea – green, black or herbal – all have antioxidants.
8. Lean Beef – good source of zinc, iron and amino acids.
9. Beans, Nuts and Seeds – complex carbs, iron, fiber, B vitamins, omegas and protein.
10. Berries – for antioxidants and vitamins.

Immunity-Boosting Muffins Adapted from Impact Magazine

½ c. margarine

½ c. brown sugar

2 T. honey

2 eggs

1 c. plain live-culture yogurt

2 mashed ripe bananas

1 ½ c. flour – white, whole wheat or a combination

½ c. wheat bran

¼ c. ground flaxseed

1 c. oatmeal

1 tsp. baking soda

2 tsp. baking powder

½ tsp. salt

1 ½ cups berries

½ cup toasted pumpkin seeds

Combine margarine, sugar, honey and eggs until smooth. Stir in yogurt and bananas. In another large bowl, mix together flour, bran, flax, oatmeal, soda, powder and salt. Pour the liquid ingredients into the dry and stir just until moistened. Stir in berries and seeds just until mixed. Do not overmix or muffins will become tough. Fill muffin tins about ¾ full. Bake at 350 for about 20 minutes or until knife inserted in muffin comes out clean. Makes about 15 muffins.